Discipline

Discipline is moment to moment.  In the last 24 hours I’ve managed not to reply to AL’s 2 texts and I’ve managed not to initiate contact with my man.  We’ll call him Mr. W.

Yesterday Mr. W emailed me our tickets for Christmas to go see his family.  (I just met them for Thanksgiving.)  I didn’t reply as he asked no questions.  He called twice and left no message.  And he knocked on my door and left something of mine.

I don’t like the fear that if I email him back and text him back and he can see me twice in one week and see my facebook page, that he’ll lose interest.  Knowing he’s taking me home for xmas and insistent on it is comforting.  Worrying that he’ll take me for granted or start to neglect me is horrible.  The insecurities of a broken home and too many disappointments in love, ick!  I read that women who didn’t bond with a father figure don’t do well in marriage unless they bond with the father in law.  Bring on Christmas family time, because that’s scary.  Hope to be more disciplined with The Rules for more confidence within the relationship.  Just trust he loves me and its enough to keep him loyal and sweet.

Speaking of discipline, I must to the gym and do some cleaning before I have him over tomorrow!  And drats, I had way too much sugar today – trying to cut back.  Gotta run,  much to do!

The Other Man, Almost Lover.

My ex texted me twice today out of the blue after months.  He’s the one – the one who I thought would’ve been the one.  Really he was just an “almost lover” as the song goes, (Fiest).   We only dated almost 3 months.  Never had sex but plenty of intimacy and he lead me to believe it mattered.  And he was the vision of the man I dreamed I’d have for years. When I met him, I recognized him from my own imagination.  But he wasn’t really available I found out.

And I never even pursued him, chased him.  But because he was on the backend of a divorce it didn’t work.  He wasn’t available enough and it wasn’t Rulesy.  I didn’t get all I deserved of him.  It was only on his terms and when I finally reacted to that, he was gone.

I was hurt.  SO hurt.  And still haunted.  I was lame and contacted him 2 months later, even more lame for doing it by text.  He let me know he’d moved on.    Today I hear from him twice… on a subject he knows I love.

I could reply something simple.  The texts are friendly enough.  I could just leave it, as he just left me.  I’m in a relationship, its too late for more with him.  (Or is it?  And why do women always think this way?)  Why and how do our exes always know exactly when we’re over them, then show up again??

I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to be in contact with someone he’d once felt this strongly about, and nor do I want to seem so affected that I can’t send a simple reply to Almost Lover.  The Rules say when you’re not sure what to do, do nothing.  They also say, when you break up because of The Rules, you get a better relationship.  I have that.  But is there no hope with AL now that time has passed??

About me and my love life

I’m a serial dater in a new relationship, I study The Rules of Dating and try to implement them for a happier love life. I’m learning how to be loving, fair, mature and rulesy within a relationship. The Rules require discipline I sometimes lack. So all of this is with varying degrees of of success, day to day. My hope is that other women and maybe men, will relate to my experiences, not judge me too harshly and provide support and discussion about the practice of love, life and The Rules.

This is the rules http://therulesbook.com/ and if you don’t know much about it, prepare not to like it. Its about women actually being hard to get. Its about wanting to be married, to someone you can love and live with and being someone who won’t settle for lower standards in the relationship, but for the best she can get by being her best self. Technically, she’s the best prize for a man who is the best pursuer and the one she chooses. Hope some of you will join me in discussion and sharing.

So, for me, I did The Rules as best I could for years as a serial dater. Had lots and lots of false starts with men, and many, many disappointments. The Rules helped me understand what I could reasonably expect from a good man, if I’m a good woman. (More on this as we go.) The practice of The Rules, (TR) and just being in a relationship at all, is not easy and I fail only slightly less often than I succeed at it. I’m in my early thirties, from a very broken home, lots of ego, fairly attractive, fun to be with and I know a lot in theory and a little in practice about a successful love life. I love TR for giving me a standard of expectation.

The Rules are strict.  Very disciplined and challenging.  No calling me.  NO dates without 3 days notice.  Let him lead at all times.  Not too much emotion over the relationship.  Stay positive and upbeat.   I was doing all this but not in a relationship after years.  Finally I started to bend a little, like the willow.  With a man who loves me but was trained by my behaviour and TR to be someone I could be with.   A relationship is give and take, I had to learn that with him.  Because I learned to give a little more to him, I finally have a love.  And a more fulfilled life.

I’ve had a lot of trial and error and research about what works with man/woman dynamics.  So I’m finding the balance and hoping that will be enough!  Because TR are stricter than I!  Still, relationships work best (for me), when man pursues woman.

So this is about my finding my own balance between The Rules, the love, the relationship, the sex, the guy’s personality and my own, as well as the stupid, immature, fearful and scary that I experience as a newly committed woman.

The ultimate goal? A marriage. A happy, fair balanced, best it can be marriage.